100th Post for 2009, Still Single But Happy!

This Tumblr pic from Mina really caught my attention. And since this is the 100th post for this year, let's make it a topic!

It's been a long time already that I happened to lose my missing pair. I guess, it would just be easy to replace it but what makes it difficult is to be looking for a pair that will match up pretty well.

It's sad to be alone. Just looking at the photo will let you feel how it is to be one. But there's nothing we can do if God is not yet finished in writing the best love story for us.

Looking for it is just an unexplainable thing. You'll try searching, get tired, give it all to fate, then you'll gonna feel something, then you'll try to follow that feeling, making things right, hoping that things would get well but in the end, you're still not sure if it's the one.

Let's see, I hope this is not going to be misinterpreted by some. Me being single doesn't mean that I'm still hooked with someone in my past. Just to spell it out for those who can't try to understand. If I would, I could have been in a relationship. There are almost 8 billion people around the world so why will I be wasting my time going back to those who'd already became a part of my past.

Anyways, this early morning was just so crazy! lolz! Making those kind of talks while playing that early is just so hilarious! It was fun, but is serious as well. They started talking about relationships. I know, it's getting evident. The feeling might not be mutual (yet) but I'm happy. I'm happy that this really makes me happy. We might not be in that kind of relationship, but what we have now is enough to say that things are getting better. I'm happy that it is being appreciated, that somehow it's not being taken for granted, that somehow, I'm one of those closest to the heart. Just like what they said, "konting something lang jan, masaya na yan!" I'm not really expecting for something in return. I clearly understand why you're thinking too much on this, just don't over do yourself though, let me just handle this for you.

Being single isn't really bad at all, as long as there's someone who can make you smile and can make you understand that being single is not really an awful thing to be, you'll be sure that you're going to be alright.

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Must Not End

Hmm, not always the case.. or should I say, might be commonly the case but would not likely to happen to all, right?

Watched the series for the second time, and it still did not fail to make me feel those emotions that each of the characters portray. I can see myself in them, can relate to their story and even cry on scenes that are really heart whelming, reason for me to make it one of my favorite!

I don't want to close my mind thinking that everything will eventually end because of the harsh path that one has to follow. Just like Misaki and Akihiko, I would rather go on through that harsh path. It may seem pretty odd to people around you, but as long as you know how to make things right, I think, there will never be a single reason to end something that you will believe to last forever.

Haaay.. I wonder when will I be rewatching this series again. Haha!

Hmm, let's see..what if I open a new site doing posts of the animes which I recently watched, episode per post type of thing. What do you think? ^.^

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Keep in Mind

Tumblr Pic for tonight..^^ Got this from Mina! XD

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One More!

 So true nowadays! looolz!
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Ambenta! Amp!

Still got nothing to do.. hahaha! browsing some tumblr pics! looolz!

Ambenta pramis! haha!

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Looolz! Taob!

Oha oha! Yan ang banat! Winner! hahaha!

Got that on Tumblr.. loolz!

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Facebook and Paypal Partnership, To Give Us $100

If you have an account on Facebook, why not make a Paypal Wishlist that can make you earn up to $100. Even if you still don't have your own Paypal Account, they will surely deposit all of your earnings to your account as soon as you got yourself a Paypal account.

This Facebook and Paypal partnership can really give us all a happy and merry Christmas soon, all we just have to do is to make our very own Paypal Wishlist on Facebook, then share it to all of your friends! Pretty simple right? So if I were you, do it now! here's the link.

Let's do this! Now na! Share your Wishlists and let us all earn together! Merry Christmas!

UPDATE!

After 10 minutes, I already got $3! Cool, right?

 
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Sharing The Love

I've been looking on this postcard which is on my workstation right now.

If only love can be shared like this.. *sigh*

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Rotten

 

 

How I just wished that these scars were made from that blade, but unfortunately, I just got them from doing the laundry.

I walked home from work, and had lots of "suicidal" thoughts ran through my mind, non-stop. Wishing that a car would hit me, someone would stab me, an accident would drive into me and everything alike. I just wanted fate to end up my life.

This may sound crazy knowing that the person you knew of me has this kind of thinking inside my mind. My real friends might kill me as soon as they read this, I would love to. They see me as someone who can stand up straight and fix every mess that comes, but what they don't know is, I'm just always letting fate decide of what's gonna happen next.

Walking alone made me clear things about myself, I'm reckless and hopeless. I'm not of any help to my family lately, I'm not a good friend anymore, having no growth as an employee as well. Maybe my dad is right to call me "inutil", well at least now, I know what it's like to be like him.

I know it's wrong to say this but sometimes I pray that our youngest will come into my sleep and take me with him to where he is now. My path on to where I'm supposed to be is blurry now. I don't even know what I want to do with my life anymore. Even a single goal that I have in mind to achieve, there's none. I can't even dream of something.

I love my family but loving them is not enough. I love my friends but love also took them away from me. I'm just simply running out of things that I must do. Not even a single clue is on my mind right now to fix everything up.

I think this is it, I'm starting to rot. I know that this is bad and I have to do something about it, but how?

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Hell, Right?

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What's The Fuss!

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How's That To You?

"Bawal makipag-usap kay Rashid ang mga mabababang level" -Jeremy


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Do Tumblr the Blogger Way

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Indulgence Is A Must

Day 2 of the week and I'm just getting more depressed. Walked halfway home again after work. Things really can't get away my head that easy. Still, our office is the most loneliest place on Earth for me. So just to recover from being deep-soaked in sadness, indulgence is a must!

That's what I had after having dinner, I'm getting used to having cake with tea now. What I had a while ago was Kohee's Black Forest Cake and Cinnamon Apple flavored Stash tea. I really didn't care about how much I'm gonna pay, I'm more concerned about myself being drowned again from those tears that I shed late this afternoon at work. I was hurt and even though I don't clearly understand it, it really made me emotionally unstable.

I know people are concerned but are you now telling me that we're in totally different levels right now, reason for us to break up like this? So am I to conclude now that what's really happening right now is the kind of treatment that you were giving to our old folk before? Great! At least now, I know my place.

So now tell me, how did I become the worst person? Air-headed? Bossy? Boastful? What? Someone who's already up there which made it impossible to look down to greet some "friends"? You know what's hard for me? I'm trying to be strong for myself, making it to the point that I must bear all the pain and sadness that I'm having because it just really can't go away. 3 months I think had passed, and he told me that he knew the hardship that I'm in and how sad it is to be like this, and yes, up until now, it's still true. Hoping that someday I could bear the smile that I once had but looking at it now, everything is hopeless.

you may normally see me being the tough guy, mind you, it's the only way I know to cover things up. We all know that people have their own piece of pride, and I also have a slice of it as well. It may be hard, but even though I'm portraying to be the worst person here, giving up this taste of pride, might not be easy, but can still be done. I've became so loud here in my blog about how I think about things, somehow it's an open path for things to be wrapped up but I can't force people to care. If they hated me of what I've become, then they're free to hate me but just don't blame him to be the sole person that caused me this because accept it or not all of us gave our part of me becoming like this and you to act like that.

Well anyways, naff' said. Kimi ni Todoke's new episode just went out. Maybe I just have to indulge myself watching it and making myself feel happy about the kind of friendship that I am seeing on that series. Making myself to start believing again, (yeah, sort of trivia, when I was still in college, I believed that the G-MIK cast portrayed the best friendship that could ever happen. But sad to say, the best will never happen in real life.) that real friendship only happens on screen.

To end this up, I already uploaded some pics that I still have on my phone. Lemme just share it here.



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Disheartened

I received a call early this evening from a firm who found my profile on a certain job hunting site. She introduced to me their company, interviewed me and explained to me the position that she thinks will fit for me. I had her questions answered and she told me that she'll be back to call me again in a few. After a little while she called and told me that I did not qualified for the position that she offered me earlier. This just really left me disheartened.

What just happened made me realize some things. I'm not really blind about it but reaching this point where in skills are being looked upon, my mind is starting to wonder and ask, "Is there growth for me here?"

After work, I walked for a while, contemplating on what just happened. The skills that I have now doesn't even matched the one they're looking for. They're actually looking for someone who can do things manually, can compute finances with understanding, that's why they need it to be done manually. And now by looking on what I've been doing now, things are pretty well because of the formulas that I've been using. Input the data then it's there!

Maybe I'm just having a bit of regrets of letting an opportunity slip just like that. If only I wasn't been so dependent with those formulas, If only I can do macros, if only I can understand things better, maybe I was able to pass that once in a lifetime offer.

But maybe, doing this kind of job doesn't really suits me. Now going back to zero, i'll start knowing myself again. Of what I like to do and what I don't want. Maybe it is not really meant for me, it just so happened that it became my wake-up call, to think, to plan, and to decide for myself.

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Curiosity and Simplicity

Curiosity just had the whole of me, so I tried making my domain use the custom domain publishing option of Blogger, then here it is!

Just finished fixing the DNS and CNAME records with the help of my domain provider. New layout at last and its just pretty simple. Still have to do some things though, so I'm gonna leave this up first in a while while trying to figure out some redirecting issues.. later! ^^

Ooops! btw, I'm gonna ask for your links again for my blog list.. if you happen to drop by, please write me a comment of your link so that I can add'em up! thanks! ^^

Am I Bad?

I'm beginning to believe that, I'm loosing friends because I'm becoming so bad..

It's like, what I've become was the worst for some people. And now I'm wondering, is this still the real me? Or maybe, it's really hard for them to accept the kind of me that I've become.

Last week I watched Kimi ni Todoke's 4th episode, Rumors. This just really got me that I have to blog it out. Misunderstanding became its theme, And Sawako's character gave me a view from a different perspective.



I don't know if I can still be called as their friend. How long has it been? 2 months? almost 3 months? I'm already less of a friend to them and is just a mere someone who's scared to make new friends again.

"You change for 2 reasons: Either you learn enough that you want to, or you've been hurt enough that you have to"

I would rather go for the latter. I didn't intend to disappoint those people around me of who I have become but what appears to me now is that, I've become the worst person that they had had and the only way for them to avoid me is to leave me behind.



Now my own version of misunderstanding comes in. Is it for me that they left me behind, or is it for them? Is it for me that they left without any notice for me to feel less hurt or is it they left me behind to lessen the burden that I'm giving them? Everything was so sudden, everything happened without me knowing it. Fate just really made things so twisted that there were not a single word was said.

Now, time flew well that only air fills the gaps between what's suppose to be filled by them. I'm now scared, and even more scared to look at them, because I might just get another turn away look from them. Because from that very moment, when I was making a smile ready, all I've got was that kind of look from her, and that just ended everything up for me. It's like I've got no choice but to accept that they had already been moving on without me, that they have nothing more to ask because they already have everything. So what's left for me to do is to become civil, to act professionally as if I was new on that job, putting all those 3 yrs hidden and to make a new experience of me being alone.

Then just a while ago, I watched Seitokai no Ichizon's 5th episode which is all about who people are when they are living on their private life. This now really made me pity on myself because this episode just made me realize that there were already a lot of things that they went through which I am not anymore aware of, making me not just less, but not anymore to be considered as a friend.



I see them almost everyday at work, but to how I see them there is so far away from how they really were if it's just themselves alone. Then more than that, you're left guessing. It's just really so far different on just seeing them than knowing personally what these guys were doing for the past 3 months.



What I'm pointing out is that, I'm not anymore worthy to make myself aware of what's going on with them. I'm already less of a friend, and the worst person in the kind of place that I am now. All I just have now is the composure that I've been building up not to break down.

And then as i was writing this, I'm hearing "Heal the World" from our neighbor. So is fate doing something tricky again?

Soon, one of them is moving in to our team and I know the gap between us will be causing some hindrance at work, but this doesn't make me regret of recommending him in. I'm not going to cause him any bad anyway, so rest assured, I'm not planning on causing you burden. And anyways, I think you already made it clear that tasks should be separated, right? I know that it must be that way, but that just gave me a slap on my face. I don't like this to get so personal but I know ever since in college, I've already been giving you headaches, so maybe it's better this way. You'll do your way, I'll do mine.